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SLICE
OF CINDI ARCHIVE #1 THE SLICE OF CINDI ARCHIVE OF PAST COLUMNS CURRENT SLICE OF CINDI SLICE OF CINDI ARCHIVE #2 SLICE OF CINDI ARCHIVE #3 SLICE OF CINDI ARCHIVE #4 |
MAY
23rd, 2005 |
 STAR WARS vs TITANIC STAR WARS has WAY cooler action figure potential. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water. Leia is a Princess, a Senator, a Freedom Fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just 'Marriage Bait'. Ewoks throw better parties than either First Class or Steerage. There are always enough escape pods in STAR WARS. Do you know what the Empire does to self-proclaimed "Kings of the World"? Han is frozen in Carbonite and turned into a Wall Ornament. Leo simply freezes. We knew the boat was gonna sink. But who could've anticipated "Luke, ... I am Your Father"? REDNECK JEDI You Might be a Redneck Jedi If ..... * You ever heard the phrase, "May the Force be with Y'all." * Your Jedi robe is camouflage. * You have ever used your Light Saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. * At least one wing of your X-Wing's is primer colored. * You have ever had a Land-Speeder up on blocks in your yard. * The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the "Dadgum Skeeters". * You have ever used the Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. * Your Land-Speeder had a Light Saber Rack. * Your Land-Speeder has a bumper sticker that reads "Protected by Smith & Wesson Light Sabers" * If you hear ... "Billy Bob, I am Your Father ... AND your Uncle!" |
APRIL
4th, 2005 |
DEAR
TECH SUPPORT This is a nice little exchange in the form of E-mails that I thought was very good. Especially for the computer-minded among us: Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, A Troubled User. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- REPLY: Dear Troubled User, This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support |
FEBRUARY
1st, 2005 |
THE
UPHILL CLIMB September 24th, 2004 .... a new, yet familiar, place to be for me. My first Red River trip since 1982 proved to be an enlightening experience. It’s funny how things can be so different and still the same after 20 years. The “Same List” would include: Good Friends, Good Drinks, Hearty Laughter and Great Music! The “So Different” list would include: More Comfortable Sleeping (gotta love those blow up mattresses,) Drier Tents, A Disgraceful amount of Junk Food (we cooked everything on the Camp Stove the last time I went) which would probably explain the last item of this list .... about 50 lbs extra on what used to be my tall thin frame. I can’t speak for everyone, but it looks like there may have been a few of us struggling with this over the years. I have looked over the website over the last 30 years and it definitely catalogues our dieting habits! So, I’m just laying it out there .... this article is about being FAT! What a terrible trick that life can play on you. Can it really be that a diet of “Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll” was really the dieting key to staying thin??!! I can’t imagine that the lack of Sex, Antidepressants, and the Barney Theme Song can actually turn us into Marshmallow Men! Nonetheless, somehow, we are here. Can you pass up a Krispy Kreme Donuts? Can you pass up the second helping of really good Mashed Potatoes? Or how about a loaded up Pizza or Hot Fudge Cake? (I’ve obviously revealed my weaknesses!) But then on the other side of the coin, can you walk from your car into Wal-mart without getting winded (not including when you cheated and took the Handicap Spot)? Can your 10 year old run faster than you? Do you avoid getting down on the floor because of the burden of getting up? Again .... I have revealed! So here is my challenge to you .... instead of spending your free time watching Jeopardy and rationalizing the meaning of the Nazi movement, “*Immoralism,” get up! Start moving. Find a diet that you can live with (I think Portion Control, South Beach, and Weigh Down are good ones.) And this year when the “Big Trip” rolls around [September 2005], we might be able to embrace an Uphill Climb with a little more zest. Okay that’s it .... Gotta finish my Sugar Free Cookie- C * From the 2004 Saturday Nite Game by SDK GRAPHICS |
